Elder Care Mediator

As an elder care mediator, Pamela D. Wilson, MS, BS/BA, NCG, CSA, NCPM, has extensive experience in aging and elder care. Wilson helps families develop practical, workable solutions through voluntary virtual elder care mediation.

If the concept of virtual private family mediation is new to you, it can offer substantial value to preserve family relationships and avoid expensive court litigation.

Elder care mediation offered by Pamela D Wilson is voluntary, confidential, private family mediation. It is not court-ordered mediation. Voluntary mediation places you and your family in control of the outcome, instead of a judge, an arbitrator, or a jury.

Wilson is a caregiving expert with twenty-five years of experience and certifications from the National Association of Certified Mediators, the National Guardianship Association, and the Society of Certified Senior Advisors.

Review Ms. Wilson’s C.V. to learn more about her professional experience and background.

Mediation is Not the Practice of Law

Families may hesitate to participate in voluntary mediation because they fear it is a legal process. Mediation is most commonly thought of in reference to divorce and child custody issues, where mediation can be court-ordered.

As the population ages, voluntary private family elder mediation is becoming more common. More families seek cooperation rather than division within the family.

Mediation is not the practice of law. An elder care mediator does not have to be an attorney or have a law degree.

Family members who participate in voluntary virtual elder care mediation often feel more satisfied with the outcome than those who engage in escalated, costly, or adversarial legal proceedings.

How to Schedule an Informational Meeting

To determine if elder mediation is a fit for your family, please review the information below the form to gain a clear understanding of what elder care mediation is and is not, and how it works. Then complete this form to schedule a 30-minute informational session to learn about the mediation process.

The initial meeting is not a mediation session. It is informational only.

It is not the time for parties to present their information or areas of disagreement. At the initial meeting, parties will learn what is required of them for successful mediation and what they can expect from the process.

During the informational session, Pamela D. Wilson, the elder care mediator, will determine whether the situation is appropriate for mediation and whether it will be accepted. There is no guarantee of acceptance for private family elder care mediation.

This information can help you and your family determine if virtual confidential private family mediation is a potential solution.

What Elder Care Mediation IS – And What It Is NOT

Elder care mediation IS a process for defining family concerns and creating solutions for yourself, siblings, or elderly loved ones in a non-adversarial manner.

• Elder mediation IS a process for parents to share their business, legal, medical, and financial decisions with adult children in a non-adversarial manner.
• Mediation in elder care IS a process in which family members discuss care planning, decision-making, and conflict-resolution strategies.
• Mediation IS a voluntary process in which participants cooperate toward goals identified during mediation.
• Confidential private family mediation IS appropriate when a continuing or working relationship between the parties is desired.
• It is NOT a process to resolve past family conflict, blame, or dysfunctional relationships.
• It is NOT a win-lose framework.
• It is NOT the practice of law.

The mediator is NOT a decision maker or a legal advisor. An elder care mediator facilitates the mediation process; the participants create the outcome. The result of mediation is a document, written in simple terms, outlining the parties’ agreements.

Situations Where an Elder Care Mediator Can Help

Here are a few examples where an elder care mediator can support positive family relationships and agreements.

For parents who wish to:

• Be transparent in sharing information with children who disagree about personal, medical, financial, or legal decisions in a non-adversarial setting
• Create a process to resolve family conflict in original and blended families who may have different ideas about what parents want for their care
• Discuss boundaries for a child acting as a power-of-attorney agent who may be exerting too much control or alienating other children or family members.
• Care planning for primary and blended families between spouses, children, and step-children

Parent and children’s concerns:

• Sibling and elderly parent disagreements about caregiving roles, responsibilities, expectations, and potential compensation
• Deciding how parents will receive care, who will provide the care, and where care will be provided
• Disagreements or concerns about how family or a parent’s money is or will be used to pay for care
• A sibling appointed as the power of attorney agent is limiting participation by other siblings in the care of a parent(s)
• Indecision or procrastination about developing a medical, financial, and caregiving plan (due to a lack of information or experience)
• Desire to resolve family conflict and preserve relationships between siblings and parents who disagree about lifestyle, health care, or dementia care
• Family denial about the importance of dementia care planning
• Boundary setting and practical planning for parents who expect children to care for them but who neglect their health, self-care, or financial matters
• Disagreements about hiring or managing in-home caregivers
• How to manage care, evaluation options, and make decisions when parents live in assisted living, memory care, or a nursing home

Mediation is a Voluntary Process of Collaboration

For elder care mediation to be a viable option for family members in conflict, all parties must confirm voluntary participation and cooperation.

Pamela D. Wilson, elder care mediator, offers an informational meeting. The goal of the informational mediation meeting is to confirm that all parties understand the mediation process and agree to participate with an open mind.

During the actual mediation process, family members identify concerns, prioritize problems, brainstorm options, and identify the outcomes having the greatest possibility of success. The elder care mediator tests the viability of options identified during mediation with the particpants. The final outcome is a written agreement. 

Mediation particpants include aging or elderly parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws, and other family members.

Family mediation for elder care focuses on the future and factual information. As such, participants will be asked to bring detailed information to mediation and be fully transparent in discussions.

Information Gathering and Transparency for Elder Care Mediation

Information gathering may be different for each mediation. However, common participant requests include medical and financial information.

For example, health diagnoses and health history, medications, physicians, past and future medical appointments, a monthly budget of income and expenses, health and health insurance costs, a list of assets, and other financial information.

Information sharing and transparency are critical for mediation to succeed. Each participant will complete a pre-mediation survey to identify concerns that will be shared and prioritized during mediation.

All participating parties share in the cost of mediation.

Depending on the situation and the number of concerns, mediation can range from three to twelve hours. Mediation may be completed in a single day or scheduled over two days.

An Elder Care Mediator is a Facilitator

The mediator does not represent any one party in the mediation. This means that all parties must be present at the initial informational meeting to discuss and determine whether mediation is an option. All must be willing to attend and participate in mediation.

Unless necessary and agreed upon by all parties, individual private meetings will not be held with mediation participants before or after mediation. Additional mediation sessions with all participants may be scheduled.

The goal of the elder care mediator is an agreement acceptable to all parties, defined by the parties, not the mediator. At the conclusion of mediation, the elder care mediator drafts the agreement in very simple terms, and all parties voluntarily sign it.

After mediation, the agreement can be taken to an attorney to ensure the agreement is enforceable and binding.

There may be circumstances in which the parties do not reach an agreement; in such cases, mediation ends without a written agreement. These circumstances might include suspicion by the elder care mediator of potential elder abuse or exploitation, or family members refusing to agree.

It’s Never Too Early to Mediate, But It Can Be Too Late

Family transparency and information sharing can avoid costly family legal proceedings. It can be challenging for families to have discussions if not all individuals feel they are on equal footing.

The benefit of hiring a third-party elder care mediator is that it levels the playing field, giving everyone an equal opportunity to be heard and participate.

The elder care mediator helps participants develop viable options for decisions or situations bogged down by conflict.

Personality conflicts or poor family communication can make it challenging to resolve problems amicably without an impartial elder care mediator.

What is Elder Mediation? How to Resolve Family Caregiver Disagreements Without Ending Up In Court

To watch the video, click on the red arrow in the picture below.

Watch More Videos About Caregiving, Aging, Health, Legal, and Financial Matters on Pamela’s YouTube Channel

When Mediation Is Unlikely to Succeed

When conflict in families is ongoing and focuses on anger, resentment, or blame over past disagreements or dysfunction, mediation has a lower success rate. If parents and their adult children, or siblings, are unwilling to work together collaboratively, mediation is unlikely to succeed. These situations are better served by family therapy, which is not part of mediation.

However, if family disagreements have become exhausting and the parties wish to improve or re-establish working relationships for the benefit of an elderly parent or another family member, mediation has a higher success rate.

Share this information about private elder care mediation with your family members.

Discuss whether parties are willing to be flexible, cooperative, and transparent. Then schedule a time for all family members to meet with Pamela D. Wilson for an informational meeting by completing the form above.

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