I visited with a son this week who went to see his mother and reported that the visit was “unpleasant” because she couldn’t hold a conversation or remember much.  His mother has memory loss.  Caregivers cannot expect their loved ones with memory loss to be in the same physical or mental space that they were prior to the diagnosis. As a caregiver you cannot reason, try logic, teach your loved one new things or expect them to remember.  You’re being unreasonable and likely making your loved one feel uncomfortable.  The best way to NOT have an “unpleasant” visit is to be with your loved one in the place they are, meaning at the level that they are able to function.  Maybe this is nothing more than taking a walk with them or flipping through photo albums.  Remember the visit is to give them joy, not to deal with your feelings of loss — there are support groups and classes for that.

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